How to Stay Connected With an Elderly Parent Who Won’t Use a Smartphone

Maybe you have bought Mum a smartphone, enlarged the text, saved the important things to the home screen and explained the same steps more times than you can count. You write instructions down. You show her again. Something changes after an update, a message disappears, a password is forgotten — and eventually you catch yourself thinking, it would be easier if I just did it for her.

I understand that feeling because I have lived it.

Until recently my mum had a Samsung smartphone, and a tablet she used for email and playing Scrabble. Technology never became the bridge to family life we hoped it would be. The smartphone caused too much stress. Spam and marketing emails made her inbox feel unsafe. She now has a basic phone instead, and even checking messages on that can be difficult. It is not just phones, either — tablets, computers, televisions, even a new clothes dryer become things that need to be explained, written down and explained again. Like many adult children, I often end up doing it for her.

For a long time I thought the problem was simply technology. Then, during a visit, I mentioned a photograph I had shown Dad on my phone, and Mum said she never knows what is happening with anyone anymore and never sees any photos.

That stopped me. She was not really talking about a phone. She was talking about being left out.

That conversation changed the question I ask. Not “how do I make Mum use this properly?” but “what form of connection can she actually use, enjoy and return to without stress?”

The short answer

When an older parent cannot manage, or feels overwhelmed by, smartphones and apps, focus on communication that fits their abilities and preferences rather than forcing them into yours. Regular phone calls, printed photographs, letters, predictable family routines, simplified devices, digital photo frames and printed family updates can all help in different circumstances. There is no single perfect solution. The best approach is the one your parent can comfortably enjoy without needing constant technical support.

Why smartphones become a barrier for some older parents

Technology is usually presented as the obvious answer to keeping families connected, and for many people it is. A smartphone means instant photos, group chats and video calls from the other side of the world. But that only works when the person receiving those messages can use the device comfortably. When they can’t, four patterns tend to trap families.

It is rarely just one device

When a smartphone becomes stressful, we buy a tablet. When the tablet confuses, we try a simpler phone. When email overwhelms, we introduce a new messaging app. Sometimes that works; often it just moves the same problem to a different screen. In Mum’s case the difficulty was never one particular gadget — new menus, unfamiliar buttons, changed layouts and multi-step sequences all create the same stress wherever they appear.

Repeating instructions doesn’t always fix it

There is a comforting assumption that if we explain something clearly enough, often enough, it will eventually stick. Sometimes it does. But I have shown Mum the same processes repeatedly, written them down, and simplified them — and the next time she needs to do it, she still may not remember. That doesn’t mean she isn’t trying, and it doesn’t mean I explained it badly. It means repeated teaching is not always enough to make a technology sustainable, and realising that is a relief. You are allowed to stop asking how to make your parent use a device properly and start asking what would make staying connected easier for them. Those are not the same question.

Spam can make email feel unsafe

Email is often suggested as the simple alternative for older people who aren’t on social media, but it brings its own problems. Mum now checks hers only occasionally, because the volume of marketing and spam became worrying. For someone already unsure of technology, every unfamiliar message raises the same anxious questions — is this real, should I click it, is someone trying to scam me? That fear is not irrational, and it can make the whole experience unpleasant even when the original purpose was simply staying in touch with family.

A basic phone is not automatically stress-free

It is tempting to think a basic phone solves everything a smartphone broke. But “basic” does not mean effortless: there are still messages to find, missed calls to check, and menus to remember. Mum’s simple phone can still cause anxiety because she cannot always remember how to check her messages. The simplest device on paper is not always the simplest solution for the person using it — the real measure is whether they can comfortably do what they need to do.

What Mum was really missing was ordinary family life

When Mum said she never sees any photos, the problem was bigger than access to a phone.

Families are usually good at making sure the major news gets through — a wedding, a new baby, a big holiday. It is the smaller moments that disappear: my latest painting, a new car, her granddaughter’s volleyball wins, the Yorkshire puddings that finally rose properly on the weekend. None of these are announcements. They are simply the everyday moments that make someone feel part of what is going on.

Those moments now live in group chats, Facebook posts and photo streams — places that work beautifully for people who are comfortable online. Nobody deliberately excludes the person who isn’t there. It just happens, because that is where everyday sharing takes place. (We’ve written more about including grandparents who aren’t on social media.) For the person who cannot comfortably reach those places, family life starts happening somewhere they cannot go.

Mum did not need access to every post and every photo on my phone. She needed a way to stay part of the ongoing story of the family without passwords, saved photos or another app. Staying connected is not only about how often we make contact; it is about whether the person still feels included in the ordinary flow of family life. A person can be added to a family group chat and still be unable to follow it. Being technically included is not the same as feeling included.

Before buying another device, ask what your parent actually wants

When technology becomes difficult, the natural instinct is to shop for a replacement — a simpler phone, a bigger tablet, a photo frame, an app designed for seniors. Sometimes one of those is exactly right. But we tend to assume our parents want what we would use: video calls because we video call, shared albums because they suit us. Before spending money, three questions are worth asking.

Do they actually want to learn new technology?

Some older people genuinely want to learn and simply need time and patient support. Others are tired of being told to remember another password or master another system. There is a real difference between “I want to learn this, but I need help” and “I do not want this in my life” — and both answers deserve to be heard. If it’s the second, pushing the same kind of technology again turns family contact into a source of stress.

What already feels natural to them?

Think about what your parent already enjoys. Talking on the phone? Receiving post? Looking through printed photographs? Reading the paper? Keeping cards on the mantelpiece? The answers tell you more than any list of recommended devices. Someone who has always loved photos may thrive with a digital frame another family member manages remotely. Someone who loves the post may prefer letters or a printed family newsletter. Someone comfortable on the telephone may value a predictable weekly call far more than an occasional video chat.

Is the problem access — or anxiety?

Sometimes a parent can technically operate a device but doesn’t feel safe using it. They worry about pressing the wrong button, deleting something, clicking a scam, or being unable to get back to the screen they recognise. From the outside this looks like refusal; from their side, every interaction carries the risk of doing something wrong. If anxiety is the real problem, another set of written instructions won’t address it.

9 practical ways to stay connected without relying on a smartphone

Once you stop assuming a smartphone must be the centre of family communication, more options appear. Some are low-tech; some still use technology but put the technical work on the family’s side rather than the older person’s. You don’t need one perfect solution — most families do best with a mixture of small, sustainable habits.

1. Make ordinary phone calls more predictable

Instead of relying on spontaneous calls, create a loose rhythm: a regular Sunday morning call, a quick check-in after the kids' sport, different family members on different days. Short and predictable beats long and occasional. Regular calls keep the ordinary details in circulation — what you cooked, where you went, how the grandchildren got on. Their one limitation is that conversations vanish the moment they end, so if your parent has trouble retaining details, calls work best paired with something physical they can look at later.

2. Send printed photographs regularly

A printed photo needs no password, no app and no scrolling. It can sit on the fridge, be shown to visitors and be picked up again whenever they like. One caution: a photo without context doesn’t tell the whole story. A child holding a trophy means far more when you know what the competition was and how nervous she’d been. So add a few words on the back — “Sophie’s team won the final on Saturday. Exhausted but so proud.” You are not building an archive; you are explaining why the moment mattered.

3. Send short letters, notes or postcards

Post does not have to mean writing several pages. A postcard is enough. A printed photo with two lines is enough. The value is the physical presence of the message — it arrives, it stays on the table, it can be read again. The weakness is that letters depend on someone remembering to send them, which is where good intentions usually collapse. Make the routine realistic: one short note a month beats a weekly promise that dies after three weeks.

4. Create a simple family contact routine

In most large families, one person quietly becomes responsible for all communication — one daughter calls, everyone else assumes Mum is being kept informed. That leaves the parent hearing from a single voice, and leaves that one person exhausted. A loose roster spreads the load: daughter calls Monday, grandson sends an update Wednesday, sister rings Friday. It doesn’t need to be an administrative system, and scheduled contact won’t suit everyone. The useful question is simply: are we actually staying in touch, or are we assuming we are? A little structure often reveals the older person was getting far less contact than everyone believed.

5. Consider a digital photo frame — where it genuinely suits the person

The great advantage of a digital frame is that family members can add photos remotely; new pictures simply appear, with no app or password on the receiving end. It works well when someone can set the frame up completely, manage the account, and fix it when the Wi-Fi drops. That last point matters: for family living interstate or overseas, a disconnected frame becomes yet another device the older person can’t fix. And a photo appearing on screen still arrives without its story. Choose a frame because it suits the person using it — not because it looks easy from the family’s side.

6. Consider a simplified phone — but don’t assume “simple” means stress-free

Large buttons, fewer menus, pre-programmed contacts and a charging cradle instead of a fiddly cable all genuinely help some people. But as our family learned, replacing a smartphone with a basic phone doesn’t automatically remove the stress — and when the parent struggles with the “easy” phone too, everyone’s frustration doubles. Judge simplicity by whether the person can comfortably do what they need to do, not by the feature list on the box.

7. Let a trusted person help with occasional digital connection

Technology sometimes works best when the older person doesn’t have to manage it alone: someone helps them join the family video call, look through the wedding photos, or hear a voice message. In our family, Dad is slightly more comfortable with technology than Mum, so he sometimes bridged that gap. But relying permanently on one bridge has limits — it creates dependence, and the person who struggles most ends up receiving family life second-hand. Keep the help supportive rather than turning every photo into another lesson. Sometimes a person doesn’t need to learn the system; they just need someone to help them enjoy the moment.

8. Send a regular printed family update

For families whose photos and stories are scattered across phones and chat threads, a printed family update flips the arrangement: the family uses the technology, and the older person doesn’t have to. Relatives contribute photos and short stories from wherever they live; the finished update arrives as something physical that can stay on the coffee table and be picked up again.

For my mum, that difference matters. She doesn’t have to remember where a photo was saved, scroll back through a conversation or learn another app. The volleyball photo sits next to the story of the match. The new car comes with the story of the first drive. The ordinary moments stop being lost.

This is the problem that eventually led me to create Family Press — I wanted a way for family members to contribute digitally while the person receiving the stories never has to touch the technology. It is not the right solution for every family; some parents will prefer calls, a digital frame, or are perfectly happy on WhatsApp. But for someone like my mum, having the stories physically there, available to re-read whenever she wants, works differently from information disappearing into a phone she cannot comfortably use.

9. Combine methods instead of searching for one perfect solution

Different methods do different jobs. A phone call provides conversation; a printed update preserves the stories and photos to revisit; a digital frame provides a changing stream of recent images; a visit provides presence; a supported video call lets someone join a birthday. A family might settle on a weekly call, a monthly printed update, occasional visits and help with a video call for big events. Another family will do something entirely different. The point is not a perfect communication system — it is reducing the chance that someone quietly falls out of the ordinary flow of family life.

Match the solution to the actual barrier

When family is spread across countries or long distances

Distance creates a particular version of this problem. We were born in the UK; my parents and I now live in Australia, and much of our family is still over there — so our family life stretches across two countries and awkward time zones. Technology makes that distance feel smaller, but only for the people who can comfortably use it. The wedding photos arrive in the group chat within minutes; the person who can’t open the group chat hears about them later in conversation, without ever seeing them.

That was part of what I finally understood about Mum. The issue wasn’t whether someone had remembered to ring her. Family life was increasingly being shared in places she could not reach.

Three habits help. First, ask who in the family will not see this unless someone deliberately shares it another way? — that one question stops the least technical relative from always being the last to know. Second, don’t let one busy person become the family’s only news bridge; let several people contribute, whether that’s an occasional printed photo, a grandchild’s note, or a shared update. Third, favour communication that doesn’t need everyone available at once — letters, printed photos with captions, voice messages, a remotely managed frame, printed updates. One person shares when it suits them; the other enjoys it later. The aim is not perfect information-sharing across hemispheres. It is inclusion.

What if your parent lives in aged care?

Aged care involves schedules, appointments and staff communication — but family connection is different from care coordination. A resident may still want to know what the grandchildren are doing, who has been on holiday, what the pets have been up to, what everyone is laughing about. Depending on the person, useful options include visits, regular calls, letters and cards, printed photographs, supported video calls where the facility offers them, and a regular printed family update.

Two details matter more in aged care. Give photographs context — “This is Samantha after Sunday’s volleyball grand finals”, “Brett and I at the engagement party in Brisbane” — because names and a line of explanation make images far easier to place, especially when appearances have changed. And never treat printed contact as a substitute for human contact. A newsletter or letter is something to keep nearby, re-read at their own pace, and show to visitors — a thread of connection between visits and calls, not a replacement for them.

What not to do when technology is already causing stress

Families in this situation are almost always trying to help. These are the well-intentioned moves that tend to make it worse.

Don’t assume difficulty means stubbornness. What looks like refusal may be lack of confidence, fear of scams, difficulty remembering steps, or simply not wanting technology to play a bigger role in their life. The situation improves faster when you understand the reason behind the resistance.

Don’t keep adding technology to solve a technology problem. If the underlying issue is stress, memory or confidence, every new device is another thing to learn and another thing that can go wrong. Before introducing anything new, ask what problem you are actually solving. If the answer is “Mum feels left out of family life”, the solution may not be another screen.

Don’t turn every conversation into tech support. When calls become “have you restarted it?” and “no, the other blue button”, both people start to dread the contact. Keep some conversations entirely free of troubleshooting. Talk about the family, the weather, the sport, what you cooked. Let the relationship be more than the device that isn’t working.

Don’t shame someone for forgetting. “I’ve shown you this already” and “it’s easy” are understandable in the moment and never make anyone more confident. If a process has been explained many times and still isn’t working, change the process, not the volume of lessons.

Don’t confuse digital contact with inclusion. A person can be in the group chat, sent dozens of photos and copied on every email — and still feel left out if they cannot comfortably access any of it. The goal is not to prove a message was sent. It is to make sure the person can actually receive, understand and enjoy it.

How Family Press works when the recipient does not use technology

Family Press is built around one idea: the family can use the technology without the person receiving the stories having to use it at all.

Family members contribute photographs and short stories from their own phones or computers, wherever in the world they live — a grandchild’s sporting result, a holiday photo, a new pet, a funny everyday moment. Family Press turns them into a printed family newsletter that is posted to your parent. The recipient never downloads an app, creates an account, remembers a password or scrolls through anything. The newsletter arrives, sits on the coffee table, and can be read again whenever they like — at their own pace, and shown to whoever visits.

Two things make this different from simply posting a stack of photos. The stories give the photographs context — who is in the picture, what happened, why it was funny — which matters most when family is spread across countries and nobody can assume the background is known. And the finished newsletter can be revisited: unlike a message that slides up the screen and disappears, it is simply there.

For someone comfortable online, that might sound almost unnecessarily simple. For someone like my mum, simplicity is the point. You can view a real sample newsletter to see exactly what arrives.

What Family Press cannot solve

Family Press removes one practical barrier — it lets families share everyday life with someone who isn’t comfortable online. It cannot create connection where there is no desire to communicate, make family members take an interest in one another, or replace calls, visits and relationships where those are possible. It is not clinical care and not a cure for loneliness. It is a tool for connection, designed to sit alongside phone calls, visits and everything else that already works — not a substitute for the willingness to include someone in your life.

Frequently asked questions

What if my elderly parent refuses to use a smartphone?

Work out what they actually need from family communication first. If the goal is helping them feel included, a smartphone may not be necessary at all — regular calls, printed photographs, letters, a simplified phone, a remotely managed photo frame or a printed family update can each do the job, depending on the person.

How can I share family photos with a parent who does not use the internet?

Printed photographs are the simplest option, alongside photo books, a digital frame managed by another family member, or a printed family newsletter that pairs images with short stories. Whatever you choose, add names, dates and a line of context — an explained photograph is worth several unexplained ones.

Should I keep trying to teach my parent new technology?

Only if they want to learn and the technology is genuinely improving their life. Some older people enjoy learning new tools with patient support; others find repeated lessons stressful. If you have explained the same process many times and it still creates anxiety, change the communication method rather than repeating the lesson.

What if even a basic phone causes stress?

Reduce the phone to the tasks the person can manage comfortably — often just making and receiving calls — and move everything else to other channels. Share photos and stories physically rather than expecting them to be found in a message inbox.

How can I stay connected across time zones, interstate or overseas?

Favour communication that doesn’t require everyone to be available at once: letters, postcards, printed photographs, voice messages, a remotely managed photo frame, a printed family update. Combine one or two of those with regular calls at a time that works for both ends.

What are some low-tech alternatives to WhatsApp or social media?

Ordinary phone calls, letters and postcards, printed photographs, photo books, a digital photo frame managed by someone else, and printed family updates. There is no single best alternative — the right one is whatever the recipient can comfortably use and enjoy.

Can several family members contribute to Family Press?

Yes — that is the design. Family members add photographs and stories from their own devices, wherever they live, and the recipient receives one finished newsletter in print. It is particularly useful for families spread across different homes, cities or countries.

Does Family Press replace phone calls or visits?

No. It sits alongside calls, visits, letters and video calls as one more way of sharing everyday family life — specifically for the situations where digital communication alone is leaving someone behind.

Staying connected does not have to begin with more technology

For my mum, the problem was never really that she couldn’t use a smartphone properly. It was that family life — the photos, the updates, the small everyday stories — was increasingly happening in places she could not comfortably reach.

The most useful question turned out not to be “how do I make Mum use this technology?” but “what will help Mum feel included with the least possible stress?” The answer might be a phone call, a letter, a printed photograph, a digital frame, a family routine, a printed update — or, most likely, some combination. There is no perfect system. But there is real value in noticing when someone is quietly being left behind, and choosing a form of connection that actually works for them.

If you want to share everyday stories and photographs with someone who is not comfortable online, Family Press is one more option: the family contributes digitally, and your parent simply receives the finished stories in print and keeps them close.

Family Press takes care of the design, printing and posting — the family contributes the stories. See how it works, view a sample newsletter, or start your free 14-day trial and your first newsletter is printed and posted free.